I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
