when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
