That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
