worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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