just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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