Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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