good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's never too late to be topless.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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