I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
birth control should be required to get into college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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