tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
