Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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