he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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