i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
