see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize