While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
