Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
