My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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