I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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