just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
