I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
