We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
