Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

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(914): View more from New York

whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.

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(417): View more from Missouri

"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"

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(330): View more from Ohio

He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.

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(315): View more from New York

Be careful, there is sex in the air.

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