We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
