At least make sure they are 18
Why
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
