She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
