Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
