I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
