I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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