I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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