My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
