Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
