She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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