My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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