So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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