so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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