ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
