just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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