Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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