while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
