This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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