is your mom at the bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
