hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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