I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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