Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
