i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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