hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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