i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
