Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
