Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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