ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
