we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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