Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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