I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
