They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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