YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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