I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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