it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
