everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
