Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
