You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
