Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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