Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
