i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
