your parents love me but you hate me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
