Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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