Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
