I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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