She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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