So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
