I am spending my child support on dildos
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
