I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
