Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
