Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
