she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
