3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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