So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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