Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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