Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
