it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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