she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
