He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
