It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
