Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
