toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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